The 'What are you feeling now?' thread

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The 'What are you feeling now?' thread

Postby honeysuckle on Mon Oct 17, 2011 1:02 pm

I saw this thread on the RA forum and it spoke to me. I asked Johannes if I could copy the thread to this forum and he agreed. In his thread he spoke about recovery as being to learn to access these feelings whic trouble us, learning to sit with them, express them, let them be. I thought I'd start this thread here for us to share what we're feeling right now, and have a place to simply share these feelings, instead of suppressing them.

I know I supress my feelings by many of the more socially acceptable methods, such as watching TV, playing online games, internet surfing, etc. has been to avoid my feelings in the present moment.

I read the original thread lunchtime and at that time was feeling very down and tearful because of family news I received last week. My first instinct was to eat something, and do very little, because that seems to be the way I am coping with things at present. Instead I decided to work in the garden and ended up doing a great deal of necessary, but enjoyable work. This changed my mood. I did have a chocolate biscuit, but had worked so hard felt I deserved it.

I still feel very sad but not as overwhelmed as I did earlier and my headache shifted.

How are you feeling right now?

Honeysuckle
Last edited by honeysuckle on Tue Dec 17, 2013 11:15 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: The 'What am I feeling now?' thread

Postby tatine on Mon Oct 17, 2011 1:41 pm

Hi honeysuckle,
Great thread idea.
Thanks for sharing your feelings and getting this going.
Right in this moment I feel helpless and lonely.
Trying to get my youngest to help me with a chili I am making is not going very far. Still thinking about what my H is doing around his family, his addiction...helpless to all that.
The loneliness just is. I fill it with having the tv on, checking facebook.....
So just to feel helpless and lonely, sit with it and know that feeling it is much more preferable that filling the void with crap.
“Change is the essence of life.Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become.”
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Re: The 'What am I feeling now?' thread

Postby Vesper on Mon Oct 17, 2011 1:57 pm

Hi Honeysuckle...I was thinking about you today. I am sorry to hear of the sad family news.

I went for walk today and felt empty and rejected inside. I am anxious about what happens next. I don't know whether I will have the house or how things will turn out from here. Things are moving but it's all still so uncertain.

Then dd was sent home from school sick again. She says she feels stressed because her dad acts like a jerk. I think his secrecy and withholding are running counter to what she feels inside and she is internalising her stress. She did have some camomile tea though.

I had a routine medical appointment and then spent time in the garden. Albeit working slowly with my back the way it is, but it was a productive session nonetheless. I have been chipping away at tasks out there.

Vesper
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Re: The 'What am I feeling now?' thread

Postby honeysuckle on Mon Oct 17, 2011 2:27 pm

Found out about 2 weeks ago that my son is moving to NZ with his crazy flaky partner in the hope it will work out. He doesn't want to go which makes me feel so very very sad and powerless and also anxious - trying to let go and let God deal with it. When I think about it I can feel the tears close by.

So my 2 children and my 3 grandchildren will be the other side of the world. Seems each time I feel I have a chance of things working out something comes along and knocks
the feet from underneath me. Huge big lump in my chest.

So much loss over the last 10 years......

Now feeling sad and lonely. Wish I could invite Tatine & V for a cup of tea....
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Re: The 'What am I feeling now?' thread

Postby imreal71 on Mon Oct 17, 2011 9:18 pm

What am I feeling now? Well that all depends on the moment. For the most part I am happy with the decisions I've made. And then sometimes I am quite lonely when I am by myself often. Sometimes I feel quite over-whelmed when everything falls on my shoulders. But those feelings pass and the happiness remains. So then I just remind myself about how happy I am and all I have to be thankful for. I spent so many years miserable I forgot how nice it feels to be happy! :D So for now I'm trying to enjoy being happy even when things are lonely or over-whelming. It's not easy but it's still better than the alternative.... :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
I am 43 years old. I have a beautiful daughter. I've been with my husband for 15 years and we've been married for 10 years. We're working hard at our life together! We're down to one kitty and a dog.

My new motto: Find Your Happy Pace!



D Day: October 3, 2008
Day I stopped enabling my husband: September 27, 2009
The day I left to save myself: September 1, 2011

I cannot be replaced by porn because I am real!
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Re: The 'What am I feeling now?' thread

Postby honeysuckle on Tue Oct 18, 2011 9:09 am

I am feeling tired and headachey today. I feel as if I've lost sleep but I didn't. I can't settle to anything. Very cold wind outside so not doing any gardening today. We've gone from high summer - 30c 2 weeks ago to 11c today. Crazy country I live in...

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Re: The 'What am I feeling now?' thread

Postby tatine on Tue Oct 18, 2011 9:36 am

I am seeing how I have a difficult time knowing what it is I am feeling.
I am feeling apprehensive about keeping to a diet that would be mostly raw.
I am feeling anxious about a friend coming over this afternoon, about parcels being delivered today, about my health, about my H and what is going there.
I am becoming aware that my feelings change depending on outside experiences. I would like to be more solid.
Like for instance, if a friend came offer and started cleaning my house :mrgreen: (joke) and keeping me company :mrgreen: and talking with me with nurturing and love.
If my H called and started a consistent behaviour of really knowing that his values were related to his family, to us. My estranged brother calling me and wanting to start in a consistent way as well in a relationship that was close and ...meaningful.
These things would change my "feelings" about life and living and happiness and love.
So without any solidity, I am like a candle in the wind.
I need to be more solid and content right now.
“Change is the essence of life.Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become.”
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Re: The 'What am I feeling now?' thread

Postby Vesper on Tue Oct 18, 2011 10:35 am

Hi Honeysuckle...I'll PM you as I am not sure if this is just an expressive thread or a response thread. I'd love to join you for tea :) V
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Re: The 'What am I feeling now?' thread

Postby Vesper on Tue Oct 18, 2011 10:47 am

I feel less lonely and rejected today. The feelings passed.

I am still worried about my daughter. I am doing better at letting be and not rushing in to try and fix things for her. Supportive rather than interfering.

I am happy with some work I did in the garden yesterday.

I feel stronger today and more able to face the 'what ifs' of the future.

I have been reading books over the last couple of weeks that have helped with my recovery.

I have been in a situation with another man who has acted a little xh did. This time I wasn't willing to suck up the guilt when he was trying to shift it my way.
Smiles are infectious so go and spread them...
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Re: The 'What am I feeling now?' thread

Postby honeysuckle on Wed Oct 19, 2011 11:13 am

This thread is useful for me because I am stopping in the middle of the day to give myself time to take stock.

What am I feeling now - slightly anxious. Why? It feels like slightly anxious is my usual mode of operation.
I feel I am starting too many jobs, getting overwhelmed, then giving them all up with lots of chaos.

I restarted my family history searching. I like that and it is very grounding which I need.
I did about 2 hours of gardening, tidying up and digging ready for the winter.
I feel like changing everything but don't know where to begin.

I've forgotten how to relax and trust in the world. I am safe in the physical world.
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