The 'What are you feeling now?' thread

For partners of people struggling with pornography addiction. A place for Significant Others to support one another, vent their frustrations, and share their hopes. Recovering Addicts are strongly urged not to post on this forum.

Re: The 'What are you feeling now?' thread

Postby phoebe on Sun Oct 26, 2014 5:47 pm

Thank you for your support , I hesitated to reply as it is still raw, I am working through this , in my own way. H despite the porn, had intimacy issues, not just physical, although that was a division between us that hadnt been resolved after the PA. But He couldnt share a bed with me, as I was either too hot , too cold, or he didnt want to be cuddled at night when I just wanted to be close to him and H would go and sleep in another room, this was immediatly after the discovery and for years even after his heart attack he didnt change. Excuses all the same for an emotional intimacy disorder that he couldnt resolve . I had to save myself from anymore hurt. The PA played a lot with this, he couldnt be with with me as in his mind, connecting with a woman even his wife after 30 yrs, on an emotional and equal level was just too much for him. I grew a lot, stronger and more decisive, my love for him waned as it wasnt reciprocated, unfortuntlly H stayed where he was, needing someone as a caregiver , rather than a partner in life, it wasnt what I saw in my future , I think I just outgrew him and made the decision to finally call it for both our sakes so we can move on with our lives.
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Re: The 'What are you feeling now?' thread

Postby Vesper on Tue Dec 02, 2014 6:26 am

I hesitated to reply as it is still raw, I am working through this , in my own way.

((Hugs)) Phoebe. I thought porn was a side effect of whole lot else that was wrong with my ex h. I don't want to make this about me but what you wrote sounded all too familiar.
I am thinking of you!
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Re: The 'What are you feeling now?' thread

Postby honeysuckle on Tue Dec 02, 2014 7:24 am

Vesper wrote:
I hesitated to reply as it is still raw, I am working through this , in my own way.

((Hugs)) Phoebe. I thought porn was a side effect of whole lot else that was wrong with my ex h. I don't want to make this about me but what you wrote sounded all too familiar.
I am thinking of you!
Vesper


V,
I don't know but I think I this might be true for many people. For P substitute anything else, over eating, compulsive shopping, compulsive caregiving, gambling, endless TV etc.... Anything to fill that deep huge hole.

Anything which stops us from facing the demons which haunt us. I've been thinking about this subject for over a week or so. I feel this horrible compulsive need to sort out the house - yet we start things and then they don't get finished or I get anxious about doing the rest and end up sleeping badly.....

I wondered over the weekend (we had some of the weekend off) if it is because I am avoiding focusing on what is really going on with me and my life.

(Why is there no scared shi**less emoticon?). Phew, where did that all come from?
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Re: The 'What are you feeling now?' thread

Postby honeysuckle on Sat Apr 25, 2015 4:56 am

This thread started as a response to something posted by Johannes.

It's somewhere to just post how you feel at the moment without expectation of response. Just 'getting it out there'.

At the moment I don't feel too bad. The hose on the dishwasher caused a huge leak yesterday and the kitchen was like a swimming pool and I just looked at it and didn't know what to do. But I dried up up and then we are drying things off. The kitchen is wrecked though everything is in the wrong place.

This might sound whacky, but I feel the house reflects 'us' we've had so many leaks from dishwashers, roof and pipes. We get one sorted and another appears in a few months or so. Almost like the house is expressing the emotion we are fearful to express. :( :(

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Re: The 'What are you feeling now?' thread

Postby honeysuckle on Mon Jan 18, 2016 5:56 am

tearful. Big weight on my chest.
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Re: The 'What are you feeling now?' thread

Postby Vesper on Tue Jan 19, 2016 7:32 pm

So sorry to hear that Honeysuckle (((hugs))) - V
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Re: The 'What are you feeling now?' thread

Postby honeysuckle on Wed Jan 20, 2016 5:59 am

Think it was a combination of foot pain and other factors.

H
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Re: The 'What are you feeling now?' thread

Postby honeysuckle on Wed May 04, 2016 6:32 am

I saw this thread on the RA forum and it spoke to me. I asked Johannes if I could copy the thread to this forum and he agreed. In his thread he spoke about recovery as being to learn to access these feelings which trouble us, learning to sit with them, express them, let them be. I thought I'd start this thread here for us to share what we're feeling right now, and have a place to simply share these feelings, instead of suppressing them.

The thread is open to everyone - what are you feeling now?
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Re: The 'What are you feeling now?' thread

Postby honeysuckle on Wed May 04, 2016 6:34 am

Yesterday when replying to someone memories came back from when I first found out h was viewing p.

Made me sad.
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Re: The 'What are you feeling now?' thread

Postby honeysuckle on Tue Nov 22, 2016 4:58 am

At the moment I feel very tired. Not been sleeping well and I recognise all the symptoms of this.

Re h, we are on a calm plateau. Talking more. Areas of life I still find difficult to deal with, but that is something I need to look at.
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