Covenant Eyes

For partners of people struggling with pornography addiction. A place for Significant Others to support one another, vent their frustrations, and share their hopes. Recovering Addicts are strongly urged not to post on this forum.

Covenant Eyes

Postby Hattie on Tue May 13, 2014 11:56 am

I know it's pathetic....but when he gets mad at me for snooping to see if he's been engaging at porn and then after he makes me feel bad & crazy, I find out he did do porn.
Now he has knowledge of all my ways of knowing. He says he isn't doing it anymore...
But all my methods have been exhausted. I kinda think he still is.
I am at this really paranoid phase where I feel like I need to know if I can trust him or not- and start making plans for how I need to progress with my future.
Has anyone used anything similar to Covenant Eyes or spy apps to monitor the secret life of a porn compulsive spouse on their phone or tablet?
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Re: Covenant Eyes

Postby Mulberry on Mon Dec 15, 2014 6:30 am

I've got similar problem, so I totally understand your feelings. My older son promised me that he'll stop watching porn but I don't believe him... It's hard to say, but the only solution I found is to spy him :| With my husband, 3 months ago we installed PCWebControl on his laptop so now we can see what he's doin... but I'm still not sure If it's fair or not.
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Re: Covenant Eyes

Postby drbob1a on Mon Dec 29, 2014 12:28 am

Covenant Eyes is nice software, but it doesn't help if someone is going to lie to you-create another account on their PC that CE isn't installed on, or have it "malfunction" and have to be reinstalled or whatever.

IIRC some of the SOs have used key logging software to see where their PAs have been going. That seems to be the most effective.
8 years, I'm so grateful!

Bob
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Re: Covenant Eyes

Postby Hope(less) on Sun Feb 22, 2015 8:19 am

I've been using K9 for several years now. I even have it installed on my work computer. It helps in two ways:

- I truly have zero access to it (my wife has the password and can check both systems, but AFAIK she never has). When I need access to a site that gets blocked (sometimes K9 blocks sites it cannot classify, e.g. I sometimes need to use totally legit sites for work, but cannot access them) then I can ask her to allow it.

- It has a great feature called 'time controls' which means it shuts down any access to the internet from that computer between x and y time every day, or for chosen and selected days during the week.

- AFAIK it cannot be easily uninstalled.

But I would say, as a recovering addict, the issue is that I have zero wish today to find a way 'around' K9 - when I was in active addiction, I would have used the full power of my will and intellect to find a way around it. Today, I choose to turn to recovery and God instead. And that is, for me, the crux of the issue: if I am still an active addict, there is no program or barrier or obstacle that will stop me finding my drug. If I am in recovery, however, I have a fighting chance. I pray that you both find a solution and happy and joyous lives.
'I have dispelled your acts of revolt like a cloud, and your sins like a mist. Come back to me, for I have redeemed you.' (Isaiah 44:22)

6 years sober - sobriety medallion removed due to the fact that it ballooned - just like my ego :)
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Re: Covenant Eyes

Postby Hattie on Mon Jul 20, 2015 5:16 pm

Thank you for the replies and info.

I have let go of the idea of spying. Just doesn't matter.
I catch him, we argue or fight. He admits he is wrong...won't do it anymore...erases every app on his phone so he appears to be 'trying' and has no way of looking.
Then he starts adding stuff back on.....and we start the cycle all over.
Catching him is not the issue...his actions are.
I guess I figured that if I had proof, and I saw it....maybe it would push me to figure out if I needed to leave or deal.
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Re: Covenant Eyes

Postby Whoami on Mon Jul 20, 2015 8:49 pm

Hi Hattie

I have never engaged is spying, like you say it doesn't really matter, the actions say it mostly. Add the fact that I was so computer illiterate, still am, that a friend had to teach me to check history, well maybe you can understand? His computer savvy is way behind mine.

I see you saying you have caught him doing the same old? I'm so sorry this is so ongoing. Have you had proof and seen it? If you are young enough to want a better relationship with someone else, I'd lean more towards leave. I guess we can deal tho, at any age with dealing. Especially when there are good things about the relationship too and a lot of love.

I am sorry to not be much help! My D day was almost 12 years ago, I have no proof of anything but things sure could be better. I'm dealing and living more for ME, as selfish as that might sound. It's not that bad tho? We still care about each other ;)
Good luck and bless you Hattie
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