Where is everyone?

For partners of people struggling with pornography addiction. A place for Significant Others to support one another, vent their frustrations, and share their hopes. Recovering Addicts are strongly urged not to post on this forum.

Where is everyone?

Postby BothOnlyHuman on Wed Mar 11, 2015 3:00 pm

It seems so quiet around here. I only hope that's because everyone is well <3
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Re: Where is everyone?

Postby invisibleone on Thu Mar 12, 2015 1:12 pm

I was off the board for a couple of years .... during which time my PA spouse was appearing to make an effort. He went to a PA therapis (specialist). For about a year I went with him. Then I just became weary of going through all that, with really minimal progress on his part. He reverted back to the initial reaction of feeling what he does is not wrong -- he just likes looking at P ! He eventually stopped therapy and group sessions, which of course, just have him a license to resume his constant P-ning. Just a couple of months ago, he was angry and said it's like he is only there to take out garbage and do chores, etc. When I told him he knows full well what needs to happen in order for our relationship to be better, he once again said "I like sex." Which is not entirely true -- he likes looking at it and doing and watching weird things. Now, he watches soft P on Netflix and goes back and forth between that and movies of a violent nature. That is starting to really scare me. I don't want to find out he has done something more public or sick in nature. So, I find myself back here because I need an avenue to dump some of my anger and other feelings. :evil:
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Re: Where is everyone?

Postby Owl on Thu Mar 12, 2015 4:24 pm

I too have been gone for years but recently started to journal again. I am doing it again to get my thoughts outside of my head, so to speak. I do not know how involved I will be here again. It was too much for me to be so involved back then.

I am not in a good place emotionally and am"just dealin'".

I do not know if mt PA is acting out or looking at it again but I do know something is off.
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Re: Where is everyone?

Postby invisibleone on Fri Mar 13, 2015 12:58 pm

Hugs to Owl .......... I am in the same place, except I KNOW he is feeding his addiction.
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Re: Where is everyone?

Postby Vesper on Thu Mar 19, 2015 9:02 am

I am sorry I haven't been around so much. I am now two years post divorce. I had to speak with ex h regarding my daughter and he is just as closed off as ever. Seems to be maintaining a relationship with a new women though. I had often thought he would be able to make a success of another relationship as he has me to hate as the harbinger of all his woes :roll:
Apart from the aggro with my daughter (which is significant) life is peaceful. Just speaking with him at the weekend, for the first time in a year, gave me the heebie jeebies.
Smiles are infectious so go and spread them...
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Re: Where is everyone?

Postby StillSesame on Sat Mar 28, 2015 7:38 pm

I haven't really been on here since Isis passed away. It is also hard for me to be on the board as I am working hard to move further and further away from PA and my divorce. May 2011 was the final major DDay, November 2012 I kicked him out, January 2013 I filed for divorce, June 2013 divorce was final. I do well most of the time, PTSD is much resolved now that I'm not living in the pressure cooker. I struggle with feelings of anger and sadness still, sometimes worse than others. He has a girlfriend that he moved in with right when I filed for divorce and they are still together. It really boggles my mind. I have a hard time with it because my children are young and we have to coordinate visitation etc so I still have to interact with them quite often. I have made a LOT of strides in dealing with him but he is still very closed off, doesn't communicate well (if at all), will not share holidays/events with me for the children's sake, and is pretty sporadic on his participation. He does pay his child support and he does see the kids on a regular basis so I give him that. I have dated 2 men since the separation. First one was fun and I knew nothing serious would ever happen. I have no hard feelings for him or anything and hope he is happy. The second was much more serious and I thought could eventually be marriage material. But the more I knew him the more red flags I saw and the more problems I saw. I broke it off with him and he handled it horribly. Almost 7 months later he is still harassing me saying I owe him rent money (he moved in with me when he was out of a job, no lease or anything). He keeps threatening to sue me. He is a bully and a host of other things. I don't respond to anything. After breaking up with him I felt and still feel I don't want to date at all. I'm not emotionally ready to deal with it, I'm still very closed off and suspicious, I like a LOT of personal space. I'm happiest with just me and my kids. I like my own house, my own money, my own decisions. I don't want anyone interfering. I struggle with money. It is hard to balance work and kids when I have the kids 75% of the time and 95% of the real responsibility. I don't trust my ex husband to do what is right for them though and he doesn't ask for them more. I think he is happy to do as he pleases. I suspect and told his girlfriend early on that likely he is still lying. She acts very holier-than-thou and thinks she knows the whole story. Of course she knows the story he told her! I get lonely sometimes but my faith is much stronger and I am so much better with coping with life in general! I have made myself a great support network of family and friends. I'm good at reaching out. I can take care of myself now, know when I need to rest, etc. I get down because most all my friends/family are married. I feel like the odd one out. But that is my insecurity, not because they make it that way. When the time is right, I will date again. Right now it is all my time and energy just working, raising my kiddos, having fun, just living! Really no place for a partner. I need to be more detached emotionally from ex husband. In times of high stress (like right now) I get flashbacks, or jealous, or angry, or sad about him. It is less and less as time goes by though. I know now that I am one tough mama. I can handle myself. I'm a much better, more patient mother too. I feel 1000x less anxious than I used to. Cognitive behavioral therapy has been great for me. Wherever you are in your journey, remember that you will be ok!
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Re: Where is everyone?

Postby jmarii on Tue Jun 09, 2015 7:24 pm

Hello Group!

Gosh, I've been gone for several years, but was really active here 10 years ago! I can hardly believe how much time has gone by. What a source of strength and support everyone was. I'll read and catch up on everyone now. What a help this board was…

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