What to do with what you've seen, part II

For partners of people struggling with pornography addiction. A place for Significant Others to support one another, vent their frustrations, and share their hopes. Recovering Addicts are strongly urged not to post on this forum.

What to do with what you've seen, part II

Postby drbob1a on Mon Jan 18, 2016 1:16 pm

I agree with Lily about the concern about mentioning specifics, but I think jmarii's thread brings up something that should be discussed...

Some time ago it was suggested that the reactions of SOs to the revelations of their PAs betrayal caused a syndrome very much like (or identical to) PTSD. And it's been argued that part of the persistence of unpleasant images in PAs minds (flashbacks) may be similar-self induced PTSD. There are a few suggestions in the literature about what to do to try and reduce the impact:

1. It takes 1/2-1 hour for a memory to be consolidated (processed for permanent storage). There's good evidence that if the process can be interrupted the memory won't be made permanent. This is a hard thing to apply in the circumstances but it might be useful, if an SO sees an image on the computer that's very disturbing, to immediately start playing Tetris. That has been shown to prevent permanent storage of the image.

2. It may not be the image itself, but the questions or feelings that it brings up that's the problem. This is one case where online support may not be the most helpful way to process the issue (because this website has made it clear that it can't deal with legal issues, and we're not there to help you process face to face). In that case a real world counselor or wise friend can be better situated to tell if the best response is to go to law enforcement, to confront the SA, or to work thru one's own reactions.

Those are the main factors I can think of, I'm sure I'm missing a lot...
8 years, I'm so grateful!

Bob
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Re: What to do with what you've seen, part II

Postby jmarii on Sun Apr 24, 2016 11:00 am

Thank you, Bob....I sure didn't mean to get a post blocked. I work with Child Protective Service and also with girls who are the victims of human trafficking and I know the legal world pretty well. What I was referring to is the way the industry advertises their wares by pushing the limits. I know from being in this nightmare with my husband for over 30 years that the addiction escalates. It is a chicken and egg thing; does the addiction escalate and the industry must meet that demand or does the industry initiate the escalation.

Either way, what I was trying to convey was how spouses deal with the legal stuff they've seen that is boundary pushing. If this post is not appropriate I understand.
Jmari
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Re: What to do with what you've seen, part II

Postby drbob1a on Sun Apr 24, 2016 10:17 pm

I think this post is fine, it was the previous thread that was verging on stepping over the line. I feel like Lily's response was reasoned-stop the discussion but leave the post up. I hope you're OK with that?

The escalation thing is both, I think. The PA wants more excitement, and the industry is happy to sell it to him, no matter who it hurts in the process.
8 years, I'm so grateful!

Bob
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Re: What to do with what you've seen, part II

Postby Lily on Wed Apr 27, 2016 4:51 am

jmarii wrote:..... Either way, what I was trying to convey was how spouses deal with the legal stuff they've seen that is boundary pushing. If this post is not appropriate I understand.
Jmari


Over the time we have seen on the board that it is difficult to discuss a sensitive topic without people going into specifics. Even with the best will in the world.
The board rules expressly forbids discussing CP, discussing 'barely teen' leaves a way open to move into this territory and could risk the board being closed down.

I personally feel, if you think it is boundary pushing, then there is a duty to report it, even if it 'appears' legal, it might not be.

As you know it could be your child or someone else's child being exploited.

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Re: What to do with what you've seen, part II

Postby honeysuckle on Thu Apr 28, 2016 7:06 am

I'd imagine it is like any addiction, over time it takes a stronger hit to get the same effect.

The p industry is aware of that, so will provide the stronger hits taking the user to places they'd never have dreamt of going to.
It's a scary situation.

Regarding the images which have been viewed. IMO I don't think they go away - sometimes I will get a flash back of something. It most often will be at an inappropriate place and time.

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Re: What to do with what you've seen, part II

Postby tootrue on Mon May 09, 2016 11:36 pm

Lily wrote:[color=#008000]
jmarii wrote:..... Either way, what I was trying to convey was how spouses deal with the legal stuff they've seen that is boundary pushing. If this post is not appropriate I understand.
Jmari


I reported it and got divorced.
Nothing is so strong as gentleness. Nothing is so gentle as real strength.~Frances de Sales
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