I Meant To Do That

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Re: I Meant To Do That

Postby Lala on Sat Aug 12, 2017 8:07 pm

Thank you Who! I really feel like I tried my best on that one and it didn't work out. Appreciate the support!
Lala
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Re: I Meant To Do That

Postby Lala on Sat Aug 12, 2017 8:17 pm

Vespi,

Be gentle with yourself whilst you grieve the loss of who you thought she was. Isn't that what we live by...our beliefs and what we think is true and real? When we find out differently it comes as a real body blow and it hurts like h*ll.

It has been very hard, I must admit. You really think you know someone well, and then you find out you flat out don't.
Do you and your dad share a lot of friends on Facebook? just wondering about him being concerned about what his friends think?

My dad isn't even on facebook but my mom is, and I gather she shows him things that she finds troubling, i.e. the blue highlights. It makes me wonder if she shows him the wonderful things i share, or just the things she doesn't like? And yes, I think they both worry what their friends will think. I do have a lot of their friends as mutual friends. However, now that I'm an adult, many of them have become my friends as well. We all live in WIlliamsburg and my parents don't, so I see them more than my parents do! Perhaps they thought their conservative friends would be judgmental about my choice? If so, they are kinda living in the past. All of THEIR friends have kids and grandchildren, and I'm actually the one on the conservative side. Lol.
Hey, I am sorry to hear about Todd's engagement. So very hard for you ((hugs)). I was gutted when P told me he had someone new.

This, too, has been very hard. I'm sorry that you understand that pain! I knew that Todd was dating someone but I guess I always assumed it would end up the way all of his relationships do: in disaster. Somehow this worked out for him. Part of the pain is that there is still a part of me that misses him and wishes that were me; some of it is that I feel like a big loser, in that I haven't even really found someone serious enough to date, let alone get engaged.
Single and wondering why I missed so many red flags. I think I believed I knew who he was.

Yes, exactly. I keep thinking we should all know better by now! We should know who to be on the look out for and shy away from. Somehow it doesn't work out that way.
Maybe she is inwardly rolling her eyes and thinking, 'Here we go again! Wonder how long this one will last?'

LOL! Maybe she is. I can't see anyone in her right mind lasting a lifetime with Todd, it would be very difficult and compromising.

It has been a while since I have posted, so I hope you are feeling much better by now!!!
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Re: I Meant To Do That

Postby Lala on Sat Aug 12, 2017 10:01 pm

Busy summer! It's been filled with a lot of beach, a lot of pool, and a heck of a lot of gymnastics! Abigail has always been very talented at gymnastics, but had a rough competitive season last year. Since G & P left, we have gained a lot of new and wonderful coaches - coaches who believe in conditioning. Abigail has gotten SO strong and it has really made a difference in her form and progress. She has gained so many, many new skills this summer. Not only that, but she has the strength now to do them WELL. She is training to move up two levels, from JO 4 to 6. I don't know that she will actually do it, but if she does, 6 would be her first optional level - meaning, we get to hire choreographers to make up her very own beam and floor routines. We will find out late August what the coaches plan on doing with all of our girls. I am keeping my fingers crossed she gets to move up and do her own thing, instead of having to do compulsory routines. Level 4 was the pits!

My job as president of WGPA is going very well thus far. It requires a LOT more time than I expected! I was VP last season and worked fairly hard at it, but being head of the board is a whole other story. I sure wish I could find a paying job doing what I do for the WGPA, because I feel like I'm fairly good at it. Liz and I are actually co-presidents, but because she is new, I'm still teaching her the ropes and a lot of it falls on me for the time being. But she has some wonderful ideas and I'm excited to be working with her, as well as the rest of the new board. WISC got States again this year - woo hoo! - so we will be hosting two home meets, which are on me and Liz to make happen. I'm excited to take on the challenge and make them better than they have ever been. My hope in taking on all of this is that it will look really great on a resume, as well as gain me some good references. I'm so over the retail job and would like to move on to some kind of office position, that will give me greater confidence, self esteem, and self accomplishment. I am still at TJ, but get my job satisfaction from working as a volunteer with WISC.

I haven't done much dating lately. I'm actually here because I'm a bit upset about my latest dating fiasco. I got stood up! On a Saturday night! :x I haven't been on a date in a year, probably, but still go out with my friends quite a bit. I went to a dude's military retirement party about two weeks ago and ended up sitting next to a guy who wasn't military at all, just kind of a tag along like me. His name is Jay, he's from PA, he's 42 and retired himself because he made quite a bit of money in the stock market, etc etc. We - totally unexpectedly - hit it off, talked all night, he got my number. My usual MO at that point is to say, "Hey, we had fun but I'm not interested in dating," and then never talk to him again. Sorry, but that's the way I am these days. For whatever reason, I agreed to go out with him for an actual date. I didn't really WANT to go, but Tamara said I was being lame in meeting people I like and then not following through. So I said yes, let's do it. And we did, and had a WONDERFUL time. Again, we really hit it off and have a lot in common. Granted, he lives in PA, but the whole reason he is staying here in Williamsburg is because he's looking for a house here. So we went out again the next night, and again had a great time. I REALLY like him, and that's saying something. I have not felt like anyone was worth a first date, let alone a second date, since....I don't know. Harrison? I'm not sure he counts because that was never serious.

We have talked every day, things were going well, he asked me to go out tonight. I said sure, of course. He's good friends with my good friends, they have vouched for him, really thought he was a great guy. I talked to him all day yesterday and told him that Abigail was spending the night out with Riley, if he wanted to come over after dinner and watch a movie. Last thing he said last night was that he couldn't wait to see me again, that he really hopes things work out between us.

So I dropped Abi off at Tamara's, and went home to get ready, then realized I didn't know if he was picking me up or if we were meeting. So I texted him and asked what the plan was. He didn't get back to me for an hour, then finally said, "I've had a really long day. We're still wrapping things up here and I won't be done until around 8. Is that too late to go out?" I said no, it was up to him. (He is staying with my friends helping to remodel their bathroom.) He then asked if I would be interested in going out there? Well no, I'm not. Mel and Brian live at least 30 minutes from me and Mel is in Jamaica, so it would just be me and Jay and Brian; that's weird. Plus I'd assumed that we were going out on a date. So I said no, that I understand if he's tired and doesn't want to go out, that we could try for another time. He replied, "Well Brian says it's cool but I understand. I'll be done in an hour."

So what does that mean? Done in an hour so that we will go out? No clue, but I responded with, "Okay, just let me know what's up. If you're beat, I can always go over to Tam and J's." That was two hours ago and I haven't heard a word from him since.

WOW. :shock: I don't think I have ever been totally and completely stood up in my entire life. It sucks. It's not like I was emotionally invested in him, but ouch - what a blow to the ego!!! It totally and completely baffles me....not because I'm not worthy of being stood up, but because I really thought he was a good one. How can I be so totally and completely wrong about people??? I just feel like that there must be something wrong with ME, that I can't pick these things up about them. Being stood up? Seriously? I'm 39 years old and that has never happened. It really, really hurts. And it makes me want to go back to my usual MO...meeting people for a fun night, and then never talking to them again. (That sounds sexual, but it's not. I haven't been with anyone in a long time.)

On a "porno note," - since this is a no porn board - my ex Danny got in touch about a week ago. We made small talk, that was it. He got in touch again a few nights ago, ostensibly for the same reason, then out of the blue asked if I had dated anyone since him. (He and I dated again briefly last summer.) I said yes, I have. He asked me if I would mind sharing details of my sex life with him. :shock: What? I asked him if he was serious. He said yes, that it turns him on to hear things about my sex life, that he thinks it's hot. I said absolutely not, are you out of your mind, what is wrong with you? He said, "Maybe it was a bad idea that I asked." Ya think? I texted him more seriously the next day and said, "Never in my life has an ex asked me to share details of my current sex life just so he could get off on hearing it. It is obvious that you still need help and I hope you find it, but I can't help you anymore." He replied that he let his libido get the best of him, that he prefers hearing things first person, and yes, he still needs help. Well, that is not my job! I blocked his number. I divorced that kind of thing, the least I can do is get the rest of it out of my system.

On a positive note, it has brought me so much joy to see Jessica find her family. It truly brings tears to my eyes and and chills down my spine. Very, very happy for one of our long time board members!
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Re: I Meant To Do That

Postby Vesper on Sun Aug 13, 2017 8:33 am

Hi Lala,

It has been very hard, I must admit. You really think you know someone well, and then you find out you flat out don't.


I see it as a kind of betrayal! I hope your mom shares the good things on Fb with your dad...I expect she does.

Part of the pain is that there is still a part of me that misses him and wishes that were me; some of it is that I feel like a big loser, in that I haven't even really found someone serious enough to date, let alone get engaged.


Laura, I can understand that feeling too, but in getting away from Todd, you were a winner. If something seems like it's too good to be true, then it isn't true. You found that out the hard way with Todd. He reminds me of my ex h so much in some of his behaviour. The thing with my ex h was that he changed dramatically once the honeymoon was over. Controlling people often show their true colours after a big event like a wedding, a retirement, the birth of a child.... I don't wish harm to Todd's fiancée but she will be married to Todd, and I see heartache as inevitable.

Yes, exactly. I keep thinking we should all know better by now! We should know who to be on the look out for and shy away from. Somehow it doesn't work out that way.


I know, and that hurts too. One of my consolations is that someone who knows me who has met SG several times told me that he was surprised at how SG has acted as he comes across like a gentleman.

LOL! Maybe she is. I can't see anyone in her right mind lasting a lifetime with Todd, it would be very difficult and compromising.


Maybe she doesn't have a very strong sense of self. I hope you take heart in knowing that you are stronger than that. I am sorry for the loss of your dreams with him.

It has been a while since I have posted, so I hope you are feeling much better by now!!!



Thank you. I am not better yet. I saw a different doctor who ran a set of tests and I now have the right treatment.

Well, if Jay means what he says about it working out with you he will find a way to say sorry and to make amends. Otherwise you have had a lucky escape!

On a "porno note," - since this is a no porn board - my ex Danny got in touch about a week ago. We made small talk, that was it. He got in touch again a few nights ago, ostensibly for the same reason, then out of the blue asked if I had dated anyone since him. (He and I dated again briefly last summer.) I said yes, I have. He asked me if I would mind sharing details of my sex life with him. :shock: What? I asked him if he was serious. He said yes, that it turns him on to hear things about my sex life, that he thinks it's hot. I said absolutely not, are you out of your mind, what is wrong with you? He said, "Maybe it was a bad idea that I asked." Ya think? I texted him more seriously the next day and said, "Never in my life has an ex asked me to share details of my current sex life just so he could get off on hearing it. It is obvious that you still need help and I hope you find it, but I can't help you anymore." He replied that he let his libido get the best of him, that he prefers hearing things first person, and yes, he still needs help. Well, that is not my job! I blocked his number. I divorced that kind of thing, the least I can do is get the rest of it out of my system.


This is the kind of thing SG does...eww.

On a positive note, it has brought me so much joy to see Jessica find her family. It truly brings tears to my eyes and and chills down my spine. Very, very happy for one of our long time board members!


Yes, that is great news. Enjoy your day Laura!

V
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Re: I Meant To Do That

Postby Lala on Tue Aug 15, 2017 7:20 pm

Vespi,

I hope your mom shares the good things on Fb with your dad...I expect she does.

I never thought I'd say this, but I wish my dad would get with the program and join fb. It's not all memes and political crap! If you only friend your family and close friends, it's such a good way to keep up with the people you care about. I don't take the time to email him videos or pictures, or any of the funny things that come out of Abi's mouth. And there are a lot of them!
Controlling people often show their true colours after a big event like a wedding, a retirement, the birth of a child.... I don't wish harm to Todd's fiancée but she will be married to Todd, and I see heartache as inevitable.

Yes, that's so true. I don't wish her harm, either - I'm sure she's a very nice lady. Todd does have good taste. ;) I'm just curious how he has managed to hide who he really is from her for an entire year. The optimistic part of me hopes for her sake that he has truly changed his ways. But I honestly don't believe that men like him every truly make lasting change, and it's only a matter of time before that one bites the dust.

Well, if Jay means what he says about it working out with you he will find a way to say sorry and to make amends. Otherwise you have had a lucky escape!

I sure did! :shock:

Thank you very much for your responses, as well as reaching out to me via fb the other day. It was good to "hear" an understanding and helpful voice! Hope you are well!
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Re: I Meant To Do That

Postby Lala on Tue Aug 15, 2017 9:37 pm

Things with my "lost" friends are going better, I guess. I hadn't spoken to Jen in months and did manage to let that one go, largely because I deleted her contact info on my phone. Ha. But facebook let me know it was her birthday and I would have felt like a real asshole without at least wishing her a happy birthday. Then I realized I'd actually bought her a present way back in March. What to do??? I dropped it off on her porch with a card and then - after having to ask someone for her phone number - sent a text, "Happy birthday, hope you are well! We left a little something on your porch." She responded immediately, said, "Thank you, you don't understand how special it is to hear from you. I had wondered to Larry if I was going to hear from you today. Thank you for putting a smile on my face! I really do appreciate your thoughtfulness. From the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU." She said they had headed out of town that morning but would have a neighbor come by and get the gift. Well, neighbor goes by....and no gift. :o She was like, "Where did you put it?" I said, the front porch; we left it there about 30 minutes ago. Well, the gift is gone; did someone steal it?! She lives in a really nice neighborhood so that seems unlikely. I'm hoping someone she knows saw it and picked it up for safe keeping. Anyways, I said, "Well, I guess its the thought that counts?!" Because I was thinking about her, and missing her, and I guess I still had it in me to celebrate her birthday. It would have been very easy to not say a word, to keep the sandals for myself, (ha!) and just acted like it was another day. But I'm glad I did it. I don't expect things to turn around anytime soon, but at least there was some communication. And I do feel like she was sincere.

Things with Angela are also going okay. She and I didn't have a falling out; our girls did. Abi and Georgia were the best of friends for a long time, and then Abi started coming home with all of these stories about Georgia pushing her on the playground, Georgia running away from her during walk n' talk, Georgia "firing her" as her best friend. I was initially skeptical and tossed it off to drama. But I ate lunch with Abi a lot last year, and I witnessed some of it; Abi was right. So every time Angela would text and ask if Abi could come over, Abi would say no way, so I would make up an excuse. I tried to remain friends with Angela, but when your kids don't like each other, it's tough. We should have talked about it, but we never did. But lately she has been posting memories of Abi and Georgia and kinda reaching out to me on facebook, then last night she texted and asked if Abigail could have a sleepover with Georgia tonight. I expected Abi to say her usual "No way!" but she thought about it for a bit, and finally said, "Okay. I think it's time for me and Georgia to try and be friends again. I mean, you're trying to be friends with Jen again, right? When you've been friends for a long time and you love each other, you can usually work it out."

I was SO touched by her innocent words that it made me cry. It made me feel like, for once, maybe I set an example for her as being the bigger person. And she picked up on that, and wanted to try again to be Georgia's friend. It was really special. So she is there for the night, and I'm glad!

I'd asked Tamara's advice that night about Jay - "Do I say anything to him? Or just let it go?" She wisely advised to let it go....but well, I'm kinda tired of doing that. I feel like I have let people walk all over me and not spoken up for myself often enough in my life. So I texted him something like, "I don't know what's going on with you, but I'm hurt and disappointed that you stood me up. I realize we just met and it's not anything serious, but I do expect common courtesy, and I'd hoped to get that from you." He didn't respond until the next day. He said, "I'm so sorry. I showered around 8:30 and then I couldn't find my phone. The damn dogs had knocked it off the table. I'm sorry you think I stood you up, That's not who I am, Laura." I wanted to say, "I didn't think that's who you were either. Let's try again." But I didn't. I stuck to the way he made me feel and said, "All I know is that I sat around on a Saturday night waiting to go out. I even went to the trouble of getting someone to watch my kid. I ended up making other plans, but you really should have let me know that you weren't going to be available. Have a good one." He responded with, "It had been a long day, and I've had another one today. We finally got the bathroom done."

I never responded. First, the "I lost my phone" excuse is pretty lame. It's today's modern version of "the dog ate my homework." We all know it's bs. He could have contacted me through fb on his computer; he could have had Brian call his phone; he knows where I live. I didn't and don't buy it. He flat out didn't want to go out that night and didn't have the balls to tell me. Second, that was all he said in response to my letting him know I was hurt. Sorry, but if he was truly sorry and it had been a mistake, he would have tried a little harder to make amends. So. That's that. I hate to sound like a hardass, but I really have got to learn to stop putting up with bs. This was a good lesson and I feel like I did a pretty good job handling it. In the past I would have said, forget it, don't worry about it; this time around, I listened to his behaviors instead of his words, and said screw it.

The sad part is that I did actually really like him, and I thought he was a good guy. Maybe he is, with some people. But as a potential love interest? Not so good. I'm not accustomed to being blown off so completely, but maybe that has been good for me too, in the long run. In the meantime, it still really stings!!!

Todd getting married also still stings. A friend sent me some screen shots of some of his facebook posts, and it turns out the wedding is next week. I still can't believe how quickly that whole relationship has happened. Like I said, it's only been a little over a year since we were last together and now he's getting married? Truly crazy. I gather they had engagement photos done, and they were very hard to see. It was also hard to hear that they are having an actual wedding. His first two marriages were done in court with just a witness, and we used to plan our hypothetical "real" wedding. (I had a wedding with Shawn, but I was so sick with my eating disorder that I hardly even remember it.) So we used to have a good time planning our "real" one, and now he's planned it with someone else and is actually going through with it. Ouch! I know on a rational level that I am lucky to be out of that toxic relationship. I KNOW that. But that doesn't mean it doesn't still hurt sometimes!



I kind of pissed off my parents, yet again. I had made plans for me and Abigail to go down to see them in NC this weekend, and then a bunch of things came up - I've got a board meeting Thursday night, gymnastics evaluations are being held Friday at practice, Tamara is having Riley's birthday celebration out on the boat on Saturday. I asked Abi what she wanted to do and she said, "I really don't want to miss any practices, this is my shot at being an optional. And I CAN'T miss Riley's birthday!!!" I called my dad and told him that we might not be able to make it this weekend after all, that some things came up that Abi doesn't want to miss. He said, "Well. That's really disappointing. We'd set aside a lot of plans because we thought you were coming." I said, "I haven't totally decided what we're doing yet. I just wanted to touch base and see if there is another weekend we can possibly come down before school starts. We can do next weekend, but not Labor Day weekend, because we are camping." Dad: "We are free Labor Day weekend. Just skip camping with your friends." I said, "No, we've had these plans for a long time, plus school starts that Tuesday. Is there any other time we can come?" He got upset with me, despite my apologies....even sent me an email that made me feel like I'd really hurt their feelings in not coming this weekend. He wrote, "We really enjoy having you and Abigail here and were hoping to see you again this summer."

I felt terrible. I am truly a daddy's girl and hate to disappoint. I did the big girl thing and texted Tamara, texted Liz, texted the coach, and said "I'm sorry but we had prior obligations to go out of town this weekend and won't be able to make it." Or some variation of that, to each of them. My dad was right; a commitment is a commitment, and I'd said we were going down to NC. Tamara was upset, I could tell. Riley is one of Abi's best friends, but Riley doesn't really have a whole lot of friends other than Abi. Two out of three of the kids she wanted at her boat party are Abi's friends. Lol. Riley only met them once. So if Abi and I didn't go, neither were two of Abi's friends, so it would have been a wash of a birthday party. I felt bad about that. And Abi was MAD. She loves her grandparents and loves her cousins, but she really did not want to go.

My dad called back yet again and said he was sorry, that he'd overreacted and was just worried that I was changing plans with them because I'd lost weight or wasn't doing well, or something. Nope, not at all. He said to do what makes me and Abi the happiest and we'd try and plan for another time. I feel bad about bailing on my parents, but I do feel like it was the right thing to do in the end. I mean, it's not like i haven't gone to see them this summer. Abi and I have been down there three times...and it's not a short trip! Abi kept pointing out, "If they really want to see us that bad, then they can come to Williamsburg. They go to see Aunt Baker and Aunt Molly in Raleigh all the time." And that is true; they could. There's no reason they can't come here!

So in the long run, we are going to the bday party. And my dad and I managed to figure out a schedule that Abi and I can go down to NC during the week. I was just trying to make as many people happy as possible! But when I wrote that in my email to Dad, he said, "You just need to make you and Abigail as happy as possible." So I kinda feel like i can't win. Because honestly, i am happiest when my loved ones are happy with ME.
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Re: I Meant To Do That

Postby Vesper on Wed Aug 16, 2017 6:11 am

Hi Lala,

I never thought I'd say this, but I wish my dad would get with the program and join fb.


Yes, you could tell him we are like the ancient Egyptians as we worship cats and write on walls. Although the cat thing may not go down so well with him as you have family dogs lol. It's great for me to be able to keep in touch with my family at home.

Yes, that's so true. I don't wish her harm, either - I'm sure she's a very nice lady. Todd does have good taste. ;) I'm just curious how he has managed to hide who he really is from her for an entire year. The optimistic part of me hopes for her sake that he has truly changed his ways. But I honestly don't believe that men like him every truly make lasting change, and it's only a matter of time before that one bites the dust.


It's sad. He will likely stray and break her heart.

I am glad you tackled Jay. I don't see you as being hard at all. I was dating SG for a couple of months and he stood me up. Didn't return calls and I broke up with him. He got in touch and was very apologetic. Made amends. I don't know what Jay will do but you are modelling to Abi how you expect to be treated by a man.

I am glad the situation with Jen is improving. Your dad? Again, it has worked out well. I wonder though...isn't it time to have a word? It seems as if you do anything differently, then your dad's default setting is, 'Laura is sick again'! Those days are gone. I know he is expressing concern, and it's from a loving place, but can he open up to other possibilities? You have valiantly recovered :D :D

No worries about the Fb chat. I was glad to help despite the circumstances. As usual, take what's useful and discard the rest.

Oh, I am mending. After 15 weeks! They have finally identified the bug and have given me the correct antibiotics. I have never been so sick. One pharmacist asked me if I had COPD. I have had such low points over these last weeks with being unable to breathe, hold conversations etc. I am not out of the woods yet but am seeing the light.

V
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